I Married a Sex God

Yes...I really did marry one. He's the love of my life. I created this blog to share fun, sexy information about kinky but committed relationship sex. There's no porny stuff or explicit pictures here...just some fun articles and edgy sex talk. The articles are listed on the right. To read more about me, drop down the arrow next to May 2013, and look for my post "About me and my blog". Enjoy!

Friday, May 31, 2013

Establishing Boundaries

In my earlier posts, I talked about the Vast Sexual World and all the Extremely Sexual People in it, some of whom are Sexual Wolves. That’s the world I live in, every day.

I hope that doesn’t sound scary! Quite the opposite. The World is literally CRACKLING with life, love and sexual energy all the time. I am sexually amped up constantly, and it feels amazing! Everyone lives in the same world I do, but not everyone will be tuned in to it the way I am, and the way ESP’s are.

Knowing that everyone is having sex all the time and simply staying aware of this fact, keeps my mind focused on sex and that further increases the sexual sparkle I feel from the Sexual World. I love it! It also makes my body want to explore the Sexual World. And that is normal and natural, my body will always want to have sex with other people, and many other people will always want to have sex with me. (This applies to everyone, I'm just describing this from my own experience).

When you are a highly sexual person and you accept the fact your body will always want to have sex with others, and others will always want to have sex with you, and that this is ok and normal…two things happen.

1. An awareness in you opens up your mind and unlocks a new part of your own sexual self-awareness, and...

2. You realize you will *always* be considered a sexual being by others. You can decide to be monogamous, but the rest of the Sexual World will still want you to join them.

The above two things gave me added knowledge and personal sexual power. They helped me learn how to lock this shit down.

When I say there are Sexual Wolves everywhere, I don’t mean those Wolves are creepers. In reality, they could be anyone, of any gender, of any (legal) age. It is a wild card on “who” it might be. Many are very attractive and very successful in the Sexual World.

You probably won't notice all the Wolves in the jungle, unless your Sex-dar is well tuned. We tend to notice the people we are attracted to at-a-glance more than other people, so many Wolves will not catch your eye. Read my articles about Sex-dar to see more Wolves, if you are curious.

Not only Wolves, but other people are always sending sexual vibes toward us, every day. Most people probably greatly underestimate the amount of sexual energy coming their way.

Note: Not all ESP’s are Sexual Wolves, but nearly all Sexual Wolves are ESP’s. Sexual Wolves are usually extremely sexual people who are non-monogamous or who are mostly interested in casual sex. Whereas, ESP's could be looking for monogamy or non-monogamy, committed or casual sex.

Even if you don’t see the Vast Sexual World yourself (or are just now becoming aware of it), you can become aware of it faster by simply imagining it. Sometime when you are in a restaurant or grocery store, just stop and think to yourself “somewhere nearby, people are having sex…OR even possibly, someone is looking at me wishing they could have sex with me!”

The point of this exercise isn’t to connect with those people who are having sex or who might want to have sex with you. The point is to understand they are THERE. The point is to allow into your awareness more of the reality that is already there, but most of us are politely ignoring. ESP’s *never* ignore the Vast Sexual World. They stay tuned in to it all the time.

I mean hey, when an ESP is single and specifically looking for sex, this is how they get laid so easily. By simply staying aware of the sexual temperature of any room they know who might be interested in them.

ESP’s usually find each other very easily usually.

Therefore, they are relaxed about sex. They see, hear and “feel” the sex going on all the time, everywhere. They know sex isn’t something they ever need to chase. It is right there, in front of you, no matter who you are, no matter where you are.

Being aware of it is like a key that unlocks new layers of your sexuality.

It is amazing to really understand that sex is going on literally everywhere around you.

For instance, a sexual experience can occur between two people without them even touching each other! You might know what I mean when I say that, perhaps you have experienced that total ethereal sexual moment that can happen the first time you meet someone's eyes. Or for me, I still feel the intense sexual energy flowing between us when my husband and I are across a room from each other and give each other "that look"...the same way I felt it when we first met. It is like a sex act occurs between us, but not our bodies.

Therefore, since there's all this sex out there going on everywhere, if you don't want to get caught in the crossfires, you need to put up some Boundaries!

When an ESP is single (or available for sex), and they put their taxi light to “on” (called Signaling Availability), they literally GLOW in the eyes of other ESP’s. Very sexual people (and some others) will see the glow, too.

But when an ESP is in a monogamous committed sexual relationship, now he or she has to dim down their glow and Signal UN-availability.

Most monogamous ESP's understand that sexual advances are going to keep coming toward you, regardless if you are available or un-available, BUT you can significantly reduce the number of people who actually try to approach you physically by turning your light waaaaaay down.

And if you are approached while with your partner, you can quickly establish a “we’re bonded” vibe to send back to the Wolf or ESP or whoever.

Deliberately dimming down your light, or your signal, can be a challenge. Some of us shine very brightly when we aren’t even trying and we are just on auto-pilot. ESP’s and VSP’s tend to have a high sexual aura around them that doesn’t want to be dimmed down. It takes specific effort to “keep it in its box”.

Have you ever seen someone “just light up” when they speak to someone they have a crush on? That light is what I’m talking about.

All people, no matter where they are on the Sexual Proclivity Scale, have that light. It is generally true that the higher end of the scale you are, the brighter your inner sexual light tends to be. However, even a moderately sexual person has a light that can be very bright at times. Especially when in love or when extremely interested in someone.

Why do my husband and I deliberately keep our lights dimmed down? Because others can get confused by your light.

Let’s say we go to a restaurant together. We are both glowing with sexual and romantic love for each other. Later, he leaves the table to use the restroom. I sit at the table, still swooning in love with him. A man walks by and sees my aura shooting up through the roof, and he pauses to make eye contact with me.

What happened there is that I accidentally Signaled Availability to the man by letting my light shine so freaking bright that he thought I was "making eyes" with him.

Here is how it should have gone.

Husband goes to the restroom, I sit at the table, and I deliberately hold my inner light (the feelings of sexual energy and romantic love that swirl around inside me all the time) into a locked down position. I am still experiencing them, very deeply. But I am not broadcasting them. I am aware of a bubble of space around myself that I do not want my light to go beyond. Within my bubble, I’m all warm and fuzzy and still totally aware of my light. To the man walking by the table, I appear to be a contented woman who is Signaling Un-available.

You Gotta Lock This Shit Down

There are many variations of this process. I wrote today’s entry to introduce the topics of Boundaries, Signaling, and understanding that there is sexual energy coming toward you from every direction. These are things an ESP knows. My husband was able to help me understand these complicated dynamics of the Vast Sexual World that I wasn’t aware of before I met him. I honestly didn't fully understand how sexual attraction and interactions worked on his level. I was dimly aware, but now I'm acutely aware.

Building boundaries is hard work. The boundaries have to be reinforced and maintained regularly, like a really expensive, huge fence. We even have barbed wire on the top of our fence, because we like Hardcore Boundaries. The kind where kinky sex games are part of the reinforcement!

I hope you will stop and do the little exercise I suggested above…just get familiar with the Vast Sexual World. You will hopefully feel a shift occur as you consider that World more and more often.

Or not. You can go your whole life completely unaware of how sexual the people of the world are. There is no right or wrong in sexuality. But just know that the people who are having all that sex and maybe wanting to have sex with you, are doing it whether you know about them or not...so be aware!

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Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Spotting an ESP

I still consider myself just a very sexual person, but now I see the world through the eyes of an ESP (extremely sexual person) because my husband expects me to see the world in its fullest potential, sexually speaking.

To not see the Vast Sexual World now that I’m fully aware of it would be a form of denial.

I feel blessed to get to see this view of the world. Before being in this relationship, I saw some of the Vastness, but there is like a million times more sex than I ever thought there was. Holy Meow…the world is just literally jam-packed with sex! Once you really see this fact, you can't go backwards and un-see it. You have become part of that world by knowing it exists.

I’m not saying that there are pervy jerks around every corner. I’m not saying there is danger and rape going on every moment (although an ESP has his eyes on everyone, everywhere, just in case). Yes, there are sexual wolves all around us. But sexual wolves aren't actual predators. The Vast Sexual World I see isn't corrupt. It is full of consensual, adult, raw and passionate sex…the GOOD KIND…and it is raging on all around us, all the time.

Sexual crime happens every day. It is just that those experiences aren't part of the Vast Sexual World I'm a part of. They are part of the Scary Sexual Underworld. We won't be talking about that place. Boo!

Rest assured, they are two different worlds. The sexiness of the world I'm talking about will wash away your fears of that other scary place! Here's some pretty flowers to wash your mind with .... ahhh....

Below, I put together a bullet point list that sort of recaps what qualities an ESP typically has. I’ll refer back to this list in later posts.

Your ESP-Spotting Handbook

Lesson One: It is not always easy to spot an ESP in the wild. (Spotting a Wolf is generally easier, but still not always a dead giveaway. Wolves can be undetectable when they want to be, and when you are not Signaling Availability). Here is a list of some common qualities most ESP's have. Study it and try your best to identify ESP's in the wild, but take special note of the last item on this list.

*They have Sex-dar, they know when meeting someone else if they are ESP’s too, or not. They can sometimes tell if someone is an ESP without even talking to them, just on sight and aura alone. I have seen this exchange happen between many ESP’s. It is different than other interactions. Both parties are clearly zoned in on each other in a different way than most first time encounters. They also size up every one else into their respective sexual proclivity scale readings. They can tell if you "have potential" to leap up to the next level or not.

*They shine with sexual confidence or even cocky-ness. This might not be obvious to less sexual people, but to more sexual people, ESP's tend to glow.

*They are sexually self-aware. Meaning, they know what they like. Doesn’t everyone know what they like? It turns out, not really. I expand on this concept in these two posts:

23. Sexual Self-Awareness, part 1

24. Sexual Self-Awareness, part 2

*They are sexually wise and calm, typically. They don’t “lose their heads” in a sexual situation, such as in a strip club or when someone really hot enters their visual field. They don’t act compulsively or childishly in the sexual arena. They can be childlike and free, but it will be done with self-awareness.

*They have a “hunting tiger” laser focus on a target when they are intent on being sexual. When my husband puts his laser focus on me it is an incredible rush. My body has the power to incite his sexual hunting eye, but he’s still in control of himself. He has sexual self-discipline over his own inner sexual beast.

*ESP’s may be overtly sexual, but they aren’t the “creepy” people. I don’t know how to categorize the sexuality of someone who is creepy, pervy, lecherous, predatory…are they even on the same scale? I don’t think so. That vibe we get from someone who is creepy is different than anyone else. But it is definitely not how ESP’s vibe.

*They see the world through a different lens than moderately sexual and regularly sexual people. Where most people see titillation, ESP’s will see sexual energy playing in the sexual field of possibilities.

*They don’t view sex as a scarcity. They will pass up medicore or bad sex, knowing good sex is better and worth waiting for. Or, if they for some reason decide to accept the bad sex (sometimes it is the right thing to do)……(but NOT very often), an ESP can still experience the sex as good, because they know how to make sex good for themselves. They are in control of their own pleasure. They do not view their pleasure as something that someone else allows them to have or gives them. What you can give to yourself, cannot be scarce.

*ESP’s aren’t more or less likely to cheat. They can be perfectly monogamous, or not, probably in the same percentage as the general population.

*They aren’t ashamed of their own sexuality. Whatever direction it leans, and it can be literally any or all directions. It seems they are immune from being "shamed" or else they have simply worked past and beyond it.

*They aren’t intimidated by other people’s sexuality, even if it is different than their own. They don’t judge the sexual lifestyle of others. Most people will laugh about at least one type of sexual behavior or orientation or set of jokes. And most people are freaked out by at least one or two sex acts. ESP’s don’t tend to be freaked out or make fun of the sexuality of others. They think “it’s all cool, you be you, and I’ll be me”. They have respect for the sexual variety that exists in the Vastness.

Here’s the one that might surprise you…

*An ESP can be ANYONE. ~~ANYONE!!!~~ Yep, even your grandma. Yep, that shy looking guy who never has much to say. Yep, that average-looking person you sit next to on the bus each week. Anyone. There is no predictor in terms of physical appearance or social rank or gender of what an ESP “might look like”. There’s no profile. The qualities I listed above could be behaviors you would never notice in say, your sister or aunt. Anyone could fit the above qualities. ESP’s exist in numbers across all hotness levels, top to bottom. They are the wild card, somewhat equally distributed among us all, with no obvious way to identify them (unless you have Sex-dar). For this reason, none of my husband’s friends have a clue that he is my personal Sex God, nor that he was an amazing lover to many lucky women before me. He looks like your neighbor, just a "Cool Guy Next Door" type of dude. His only “tell” is that he has a glint in his eye that someone would only notice if they were on the upper end of the sexual proclivity scale, too.

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Sexual Wolves

In my last post The Vast Sexual World I talked about how sexual activity is going on all around us, all the time. There is a certain type of ESP (extremely sexual person) out and about in the Vastness...the Sexual Wolf.

My husband treats me like there are literally Sexual Wolves around me everywhere…because in fact, there are. It is all a matter of awareness of these wolves being there. Because he is an ESP with a lot of life and sexual experience, he can pretty much “see” the sexual aura of every person in a room or on a street by using his Sex-dar. If we walk into a room together and a man takes notice of me, my husband immediately reads that man’s sexual aura to determine if he is a threat or not.

I love when he mate-guards me. It might sound like insane jealousy to assess the sexual threat of every man in a room, but I have become accustomed to expecting my husband to do this for me all the time now. Knowing the sexual intentions of those around you is a knowledge tool that an ESP has and always uses to their benefit.

If you have any glimpse of the Vast Sexual World I am talking about, you might appreciate why it is hot Sex God behavior for my husband to consider me to be surrounded by potential Sexual Wolves everywhere we go. This is an unspoken, silent behavior he does. He scans and observes all people in his line of vision and evaluates if they are any kind of threat or not. Obviously he can’t evaluate 100 % of the people he sees 100% of the time. Also - he isn’t a psycho about it. He is merely using information he has about the world to see things that others may not see. He remains aware of that Vast Sexual World most of the time, because he knows he is part of it.

I’m part of it now, too, and I see most of the sexual energy he sees. I’m pretty aware of what can go down. Having been informally interviewing my friends for years about their sex lives, plus reading many hundreds of personal accounts, I’ve seen many ESP’s other than my husband along the road. I see them all now, everywhere.

Having this great sexual relationship with my husband has allowed me to be able to safely understand and evaluate my own sexual power. For example, if we enter a room and he whispers in my ear that I need to stand close to him, I immediately do so and I turn in toward him with my back toward the room. Then I scoot under his arm and look up into his face and kiss him. By doing this, we have now sent back a sexual vibe to the man or woman in question (someone he saw with his Sex-dar), that says “we are bonded”. This vibe tends to be a simple ward off of potential suitors of both genders.

By deliberately sending this sexual vibe (and being very experienced at it now) I can actually feel the energy flowing out of myself when it happens. Perhaps a chemical or hormonal type of communication is happening at the same time that makes me feel this energy flow, but it is palpable. Rather delicious, too. I'll write more on personal sexual power in another post.

Watch out for sheep too, it might be a wolf in drag.

ESP’s are sipping on a sexual cocktail all the time because they know the world buzzes alive with sexual energy. Living in the world with my Sex God husband, I am so much more aware of this energy flowing through space and through ourselves and each other, and everywhere else, all the time. Drinking it in is like nectar, but keeping my nectar pure and only sourced from his energy…well, then it is just plain crack.

So yes…my husband views the world as being full of hungry Wolves that can’t wait to eat me alive and tear me limb from limb. And really, not all of the people he guards me against are Wolves, per se. But Wolves do tend to be the ones who really push to get noticed and get near the object of their fancy. In that way, they are also easy to avoid. Usually, they are polite if you aren't open to their sexual energetic advances, but sometimes they will come on strong. These are the ones I am always grateful to have my husband around to guard me against, BUT I can do fine on my own, as well. Having dealt with Sexual Wolves my whole life, I'm not afraid of them, I'm merely cautious since I know what they are capable of.

Of course, there are plenty of Lady Wolves after my husband, too. Luckily, I can always spot one coming around. My Sex-dar is calibrated very well at this point! We aren't threatened by the Wolves out there in the jungle, but it is wise to never turn your back on one. (Unless you were out Wolf Hunting yourself!)

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Monday, May 27, 2013

The Vast Sexual World

My last two posts were about extremely sexual people, or ESP's I also talked about how ESP's see each other out there in the sexual jungle.

There is a Vast Sexual World out there, right before our very eyes. I am not sure everyone is aware of it. I know I have only become aware of it over time, but now I see it clearly. There are people having really good, really bizarre, really complicated, and really freaky SEX out there everywhere. Or even just really regular sex, but they are having it right under your nose.

ESP’s find each other and have sex. Or they hook up with each other later after class. Or they are married to each other. Or they are just sex buddies. There are many variations of sexual relationships.

All this sex happens right under your nose...

Then there is the sex industry. ESP’s will typically have at least some experience with the sex industry, even if only peripherally. Due to the sex industry, in any city there is likely some type of for-pay sex or sexual behavior going on (strip clubs, prostitutes, etc). Some for-pay sex is legitimate consensual sex. I might have to come back to this topic and expand on that statement later, but moving on for now…just realize that as well as people who are in sexual relationships with each other, there are also prostitutes of one sort or another performing sex acts nearby everywhere you go, too.

So at any given time in a restaurant for instance, there might be a couple of employees doing it in a freezer, or a dating couple doing it in the broom closet, or a dome/sub lesbian couple doing it in the apartment upstairs, or a solo man or solo woman doing it solo in the bathroom, or a guy getting a BJ for $50 in a truck out back. People are doing it everywhere. They are just discreet enough about it that most people who are not ESP’s don’t really notice it going on.

The reason I am making an entry about this topic is so that if you aren’t aware of all the sex going on around you, then you might just have to imagine it to relate to some of what I will be getting into later.

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Your sexual aura gives you away.

ESP’s are always aware of the sexual vibe of others around them, and of sexual activities going on in their immediate vicinity. They are not necessarily turned on by a sexually charged atmosphere, they are just keenly aware of it. They may or may not join the sexual energy of the others in a room, depending on the situation. In some sexually charged atmospheres, ESP’s know they might need to become ready to deflect unwelcome attention. ESP’s seem to understand this and will assess a situation quickly to know how to respond.

Others may enter the same room and feel no sexually charged vibe at all. It is all there but if you have no awareness of it you won’t realize it is there. But also, it won’t affect you negatively. You’ll just be unaware and happy, and meanwhile, somewhere nearby some people are having sex.

Did you hear something? Behind that door...

My husband has not only this heightened awareness of the sexual atmosphere in every situation, but also has firsthand knowledge of just how sexual people can be, therefore he is always extra protective of me in public. He is out there ahead of me in every public situation. It isn’t that some guy is going to snatch me away to molest me, but my husband acts as if that is always a possibility. Ahh…and that turns me on like nothing else. More on that in my next post Sexual Wolves

Try to be aware of the Vast Sexual World all around you, which is filled with Extremely Sexual People. They won’t always be on your radar, but you will always be on their Sex-dar. They sized you up the moment you walked in.

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Sunday, May 26, 2013

Extremely Sexual People, Part 2

So at the end of my last post Extremely Sexual People, part 1, I was talking about group sex.

I myself, have not had group sex. But I can admire the sexual talent involved to do so. I can also picture my husband being that sexual, being that much in control of himself, and and being that sexual.

He is a sexual beast to behold. Even though I am somewhat intimidated by some of his past sexual endeavors, that doesn’t turn me off at all. I like being intimidated by his past. It intrigues me.

I’m not saying that to be a Sex God you have to have had group sex or even want it. I’m just trying to describe what an ESP is capable of. It goes much further than group sex anyway.

The typical ESP can even have solo sex that is much more complicated, daring, and skillful than some people. They can tap into sexual energy and ride it down into themselves.

ESP's know how to do themselves.

The ESP knows his or her own body. They have mastered their own sexual responses. Not to the extent that everything is controlled, it is more a matter of being an expert of the self. By the time they are fully matured adults, they typically know what they like and don’t like. They are self-aware. They are self-validated. They usually have a very wide range of sexual tastes and abilities. They KNOW they are a great lover. Their sexual confidence is un-mistakeable.

An ESP won’t turn on everyone they meet of the opposite sex. That isn’t how it works. Being that they look like normal, everyday people, not everyone is physically attracted to everyone else. So being an ESP or Sex God or other type of Unicorn does not mean that every hetero woman my husband meets wants to bang him. It also doesn’t mean he wants to bang every woman.

If you are an ESP, or just have the potential to be one, other ESP’s will recognize you in the wild. ESP’s seem to know each other. I call this Sex-Dar. A vibe happens around ESP’s in a frequency that other ESP’s pick up on. There still has to be mutual attraction and willingness to move forward, but if the attraction is there, the two ESP’s will definitely notice each other, and sometimes this will lead to a sexual relationship or encounter.

Sex-Dar: The Ability to "See" How Sexual Others Are

I see female ESP’s noticing my husband sometimes. This is different than any other type of woman noticing him. Many women will notice him because he is tall and attractive, they take quick look and then that’s it, they look away. That was all it was to them, just an attractive guy. Not a big deal.

But a female ESP (who is available) will notice him and then will immediately, with a huntress’s look in her eye, try to get into his line of sight and make eye contact with him. When I see this happen, I know she saw him with her Sex-dar, and that she is an ESP, too. This only happens when a woman sees my husband without seeing me first, by the way. Once she sees me, she takes her eyes off him, and then sort of “apologizes” to me with her eyes. ESP’s are usually sexually “polite”.

Sometimes a female ESP will be trying to make eye contact with my husband, then she will see me and realize that I saw her doing that. When this happens, the women then make direct eye contact with me and give me a look like “oh pardon me, ma’am”, almost a tip-of-the-hat type of expression. They did not shy away from my eye contact, in other words. They held it purposely to make apologetic and respectful gestures to me. I found that to be very, well…charming.

I mean hey, a woman just wanted to tear my husband’s shirt off but then she’s like, "Oops! My bad! Didn’t see you there, Wife. My sincere regrets and I respectfully acknowledge your possession of a Fine Ass Man". I respect a woman when that when it happens.

Oh I'm sorry, was his face taken?

So yeah, ESP’s know each other in the wild. They also know the potential sexual level of others. They can identify people who are not sexually free with themselves (for whatever reasons). In their youth ESP's might date or have sex with people who are not as sexual as they are. But most ESP’s eventually discover that they will not be happy in a relationship with a mediocre sex life and usually they require their partners to be fairly high on the sexual proclivity scale. They become "good pickers" of sexual partners in their lives.

I realize that not everyone is that intently focused on their sex life. I’m not making a statement about what the priority level of a great sex life should be in anyone’s life.

But if having an awesome sex life is a high priority for you, you might be an ESP or at least very sexual.

ESP and Sex God are Not The Same Thing

My husband is an ESP, but he is also a Sex God.

Not all ESP’s are Sex Gods. Some ESP's are just extremely sexual, but are not good in emotional relationships.

Being an ESP is only part of what makes my husband a Sex God…the rest has to do with his true love for me and his devotion to me.

The lengths we go to in order to remain faithful to one another have created some great, fun sex games between us, which are discussed in upcoming posts.

When I met him, my husband was just a great lover and an ESP. He became a Sex God with every step we made closer toward each other, as he showed me more and more of himself, as he pledged deeper levels of intimacy and commitment to me over time...until now, he fits that romance novel (even though I don't read them) stereo type man - in my heart and in our sex life. A Sex God is the guy who knows how to give you the ride of your life...but who also loves you and only you. (swoon!)

"Gimme some sugar, baby"

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Extremely Sexual People

I don't really mean Extra Sensory Perception!
But I liked the pic. Ha!

Here is my first post about the topic of Extremely Sexual People.

This is a concept I learned from my husband and other highly sexual people I have known. He calls himself an extremely sexual person. This has to do with the amount and quality of sex he has had, his drive for fun and adventurous sex, his sexual skills, and his sexual nature.

A self-aware extremely sexual person typically has a great sex life. They see the world as being full of sexual opportunities.

And as it turns out, other extremely sexual people are out there in the world, seeing it the same way. Thus, extremely sexual people find each other, and have sex.

ESP's in relationships tend to have great relationship sex, and when they are not in relationships they tend to have good dating sex or casual sex.

Having talked with many people over the years and reading so much about sex, plus what I’ve learned from my husband and my own sex life, I have developed an informal scale of just “how sexual” most people are. I call it The Sexual Proclivity Scale. My friend threw this together for me to help show and describe what the scale measures.

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Asexual and not very sexual could look exactly alike. A person in this category might not have any partnered sex at all (but they may or may not masturbate). People in this category tend to not be very interested in sexual topics. If a person is in this category by their nature (versus by trauma or circumstance) they usually just won't be that into sex. I refer to people in this group as not that sexual or not very sexual.

I would only refer to someone as asexual if I know for sure that person identifies themself that way. I strongly feel that people should know more about asexuality and other people who are not very sexual. There is nothing wrong with people in this category, it is a variation in human sexuality. People in this category are in successful relationships. Some of them even have a lot of partnered sex because they are with a partner and they can get into sex. Many people who are not very sexual are easily orgasmic. It seems to have nothing to do with sexual talent or function.

There are many emotional, mental and physical reasons that can cause a lack of sex drive. Those types of issues are not really the same as the truly asexual and not very sexual range I am trying to describe. I will have future blog posts about the LD/HD debate.

More about asexuality is available here: AVEN I suggest everyone familiarize themselves with the topic, it is a relevant and important topic in sex positive discussions. I wrote a later blog post with my thoughts on asexuality and gray-sexuality here.

Moderately sexual and regularly sexual, this area on the scale is where most people I have talked to and read about seem to fall. People in this range seem generally happy about their sex lives, or about having sex.
They enjoy sex, they talk about it sometimes, and they are interested in it. Even being moderately sexual or regularly sexual, can still be quite sexual. We human beings seem to be a fairly horndog-ish species. Even our moderately sexual population get down to some great sex and they usually really love it.

Moderately sexual people may or may not be kinky. Kink seems to be evenly distributed among people of all levels on the Sexual Proclivity Scale. They also may or may not have special sexual skills, be orgasmic, or have any specific orientation. They scale just measure "how sexual" a person is, not which way they lean or how talented they are.

Very sexual is where I would place myself on the scale. Very sexual people are more sexual than the average person. They will usually, like myself, be very interested in sexual topics and in having sex. They typically have a high sex drive and a lot of desire for sex. Many in this category would have an extremely large fantasy life and/or sex life. Very sexual is just that, very sexual, in both their inner and their outer sex life. People in this category will typically want to read more and talk more about sex, if allowed to.

When a very sexual person is for some reason not allowed access to sex, they will rebel against this. When they are having satisfying sex, they tend to be emotionally happier. But as with anyone on any part of the scale, if you are unhealthy in some way in your life, your sex life may not be healthy and it may not represent your real sexual level or proclivity. In other words, you could be a very sexual person, but this doesn't guarantee you healthy sex. You have to be a healthy person to have healthy sex.

I know I am a very sexual person because when I interview others about their sex lives and from what I read on other blogs and sex related material, I identify with other people who are...well...out there publicly talking about sex like I am doing. One huge benefit of my blog is that it allows me a type of sexual outlet where I can sexually express myself in a very specific way.

Plus I'm just, really horny. I always have been. When I have asked friends to describe their horny-ness to me, some have very little. Some have just a bit less than me. Very few describe the same level as me and I only have one female friend who I feel is more sexual than me.

Extremely sexual, where my husband lies on the scale…well, these people are a bit special. They are the ones who tend to have the most satisfaction in their sex lives and are the most sexually intelligent. If they are partnered, their sex life will typically be very fulfilling. If they are single, they may enjoy having a lot of partners, or a few selected ones who truly jive with them. They tend to be "good pickers" because extremely sexual people see and know each other in the sexual jungle.

Even if they are celibate, they will have a creative and fulfilling solo sex life. They don't typically stay celibate for long though, and they tend to live out their fantasies with real partners. They usually have good control of their bodies and sexual responses, and they are keenly aware of the sexual vibe of others.

The are typically sexually self-aware and they take action in their sex lives to achieve their own sexual goals. They may or may not be kinky, attractive, skilled, orgasmic or or healthy. Again, the scale only describes "how sexual" you are. ESP's are just that...extremely sexual.

Hyper sexual. This category includes people who seem to be controlled by their sexual impulses and act on them in ways that are possibly unhealthy. I won't be talking much about this category on my blog, because honestly, I don't know that much about this group. I haven't encountered very many of them personally.

A good movie about sex addiction and hyper sexual people was Choke. I liked this movie a lot, but I'm not saying it is a great movie. How it applies to this discussion though is that it profiles a certain type of sexual behaviors really well, much better than I can describe it.

ESP’s are in control of themselves and their sexual impulses and behaviors while hyper sexual people might not be. ESP's seem focused and driven toward sexual activity, but are generally not compulsive about it. Hyper sexual people may be more likely to act sexually before thinking a situation through.

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So that's my basic description of my Sexual Proclivity Scale. I have found that most people know exactly where they are on this scale when they first see it, without reading my descriptions below it.

I would like to note that where you are on the scale makes you no better or worse at having sex or experiencing intimacy or love or anything else!

Also, where anyone is on the scale can change dramatically with hormonal changes and other changes that happen as we naturally age. So I know this scale is not a accurate, "pick one and that's you forever" type of hard and fast rule maker. I only created the scale so I could discuss certain sexual topics about just "how sexual" people can be. When attempting to discuss extremely sexual people such as my husband, I found I needed a scale to be able to describe the differences in behavior by people who are not that sexual as compared to people who are extremely sexual.

So please bear with me on my scale...I'm just using it for sexual discussion, not seuxal dissection.

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Extremely Sexual People seem to have
Extremely Magic Hands

Yes, magic hands. There's "something" flowing in and out of our hands when we become sexual with someone else (or our own bodies). If you are really in tune with your body, you can feel it in your own hands. I don't know how to describe it, but it is something like a soft surge of gentle electricity or vibration and it is also warm.

My husband's hands have this quality, and I have myself highly tuned in to his particular magic vibrations. If you've never really thought about the "something" we might be passing back and forth through touch, try to tune into it. You might sense it immediately. I don't know why but it seems that the more sexual you are, the more your hands feel warm to the touch and to be touched with. Maybe sexual energy causes this effect? I remember once when an extremely sexual woman I knew showed me how she could put a mood ring on as one color, close her eyes and think of how hot she was for her boyfriend, and the ring immediately - I mean immediately - entirely changed color. It was like she raised her hand temp by 3 degrees in under 1 second!

They Look Like.....well like you, actually.

ESP’s don’t necessarily look any certain way. They look like average, everyday people.

They aren’t all stud muffins and beauty queens…though some are, most aren't. One cool thing about extremely sexual people is that they tend to see sexual beauty in others very easily. They can really see how sexy other people are...beyond the surface even. I call this ability Sex-dar and I blogged about it here:

Calibrating Your Sex-Dar

An ESP can be sexually attracted to a very wide range of physical types. They don’t necessarily seek physical perfection in a sex partner. They get turned on by physical differences, which includes imperfections. They see each person as a new physical map to explore. They usually see their own bodies the same way, as a glorious landscape full of potential pleasure. They can basically get turned on by anything or anyone they want to allow themselves to open up to in that way.

What some people call Sex Rank has nothing to do with sexual proclivity. Sex Rank attempts to assign a number to people's sexual worth on the market. Basically, Sex Rank just boils down to "how hot" you are and the hotter you are the higher your rank (and the people who use this ranking system think there is an objective scale of hotness, which is ridiculous).

That Sex Rank system has no bearing on anyone's sexual proclivity.

So you can be a sex rank of 10, but be totally asexual. Or you could be a sex rank of 2 and be an extremely sexual person. Hotness is irrelevant to sexual proclivity.

ESP's understand this, and therefore they don't just look for "who is hot" in the Sexual Jungle. They use their Sex-dar to find other people who are as sexual like they are. As I said above, they tend to be "good pickers" of sex partners.

sandwich!

Extremely sexual people trust their own sexual desires and follow them. They end up experiencing things like threesomes and group sex and extreme sex play (BDSM, etc).

It actually requires a lot of sexual skill and maturity to successfully execute a sexual act with a group of more than two.

I’m not saying that doing so is something people should want to do. But many people do have the fantasy of having a threesome or moresome, so you can probably relate to at least thinking about it once or twice in your life.

Actually doing it is a completely different matter altogether, and I think many people know this and that is why they don’t necessarily want to live out group sex fantasies.

ESP’s will typically be the ones who do end up living it out and also, they will be the ones who have extremely deep and personally meaningful sexual experiences from it.

I really love the fact that we humans are capable of such a high level of sexuality, like literally swapping partners around or having an orgy…because I can respect the skill and sexuality involved in doing that.

Be a great lover to one person, cool. Be a great lover in a group of other great lovers...I’m impressed! My blog is about monogamy, but I understand how many other flavors are out there and I tip my hat to those who love sex like I do, in whatever configuration. (I will take mine all locked down and all for myself, though! I'm selfish like that).

There's more about the Sexual Proclivity Scale and ESP's in my next post...

Extremely Sexual People, part 2

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Saturday, May 25, 2013

Welcome! About me and my blog...

I created this blog to talk about great, healthy, kinky and monogamous marital sex. And yes, I really married a Sex God. I'm not too shabby sexually either though, if I do say so myself. We know how to get down to some good, naughty sex...but we're also madly in love. We've created a wonderful fantasy sex life for ourselves based on our combined experience, our highly sexual natures, and our specific freaky kinks.

We live a kinky monogamy lifestyle...we even have strict rules of conduct we follow, and (fun, kinky) punishment if we break them. We have a sort of mutual agreement to be completely possessed by each other. But to the outside world, we look like your average couple in your average neighborhood!

(howdy, neighbor!)

I don't see a lot of blogs or information about kinky monogamous or married sex. That's why I created my own. I wish people wouldn't associate monogamy with boredom when it comes to sex. So I'm going to blog all about my fantastic, hot, monogamous and extremely kinky sex life with my Sex God husband...to at least give one example of how great sex in marriage or in a partnership can be!

I have learned so much from my Sex God husband, our sex life, and from my own studies that I have many other things to share, too. I'm reviewing books, making random observations about sexual things, and musing about what it is like to be sexually happy and fulfilled by the love of your life. (It rocks).

What makes my husband a Sex God?

I’m going to do my best to answer that question in a series of blog posts and essays. It is a complicated question. But the quick answer is…he is a natural at having great sex, and at experiencing emotional intimacy. However, if you read through my blog, you will find that almost all of the things he does that give him the title of Sex God are things that anyone can do in their own lives...it does take an open mind and heart, so hopefully you have those already.

I use the term Sex God in my own way. Which might not be the way you would mean it when you say it. When I say it, I'm also implying that he is the man of my dreams, he has swept me off my feet, and he loves me to the bottom of my soul. He is not just a good lay, in other words. There is a lot more to it.

My husband *is* definitely sexually talented. But my blog will not be discussing specific sexual techniques at all. I will give my thoughts on the way he does certain things, about his delivery and his attitude, and the fact that he is extremely sexual. The main thing he has that you or anyone can learn...is a true love and appreciation for sex and for your partner, free of self-limitations and shame, and open to combining emotional intimacy with physical intimacy.

Myself, I have always been very sexual. I talk to a lot of people about sex, and read a lot about it. I discuss sex with most everyone I know, asking questions about their sex lives and histories. I’m becoming a sexpert at this point. I’ve had my fair share of sex and sex partners in my life, but my husband’s sexual experience outweighs mine quite a bit. By far, my husband's sexual experiences and his sexual nature have taught me so much more than just what we experience in the bedroom together. Knowing him has made me research even further into sex than I even realized was possible before.

In hunting around the web looking for good reading about married couples who have a great sex life and how they achieved it and kept it up, I found such a lack of information that I was shocked. There are plenty of websites with information about non-monogamy, swinging, group sex, pornography, full on BDSM relationships, and many other fascinating sexual topics…but nothing about extremely monogamous AND extremely kinky marital (or partnered) sex.

I am sex positive, and I'm all for every type of relationship configuration. In fact, I have a poly past myself. I also do not believe that love or marriage or monogamy are right for everyone.

My blog isn't to tear away at any one else's lifestyle...instead, I'm want to get monogamy into the discussion as a chosen sexual lifestyle, while also trying to take the boring label off from it.

I write about the ways that monogamy itself can provide opportunities for a couple to bring certain specific types of kink into their sex life. Like having Hardcore Boundaries and using Erotic Jealousy.

Part of the boundaries of our kinky monogamy agreement is that we do not look at porn or explicit sexual material without each other (or without permission). We do this because it serves a specific purpose in our sex lives, not because we are anti-porn. For this reason, my blog will always be a porn free experience.

We look like a hetero cis male/female couple. Which is close, but not strictly true. I am bisexual and I have a lot of things to share about gender, orientation and overall sexual acceptance.

I resemble my cute little avatar. But don't let her fool you. I'm a freak...with an agenda.

I have found that the best use of my privileges (of being white, middle class, cis-gender and hetero looking) is that I can reach people who haven't been exposed to some of the sex positive ideas that I will be discussing in my blog.

I will write not only about kink and monogamy, but also about equality, humanity, gender fluidity, ending stereo-types, consent, asexuality, sexual safety, and many other issues...all while looking like a very non-threatening little hetero white woman.

Mwah ha ha! Looking non-threatening is one of my Super Powers! I made my blog look the way it does on purpose...kind of campy, but funny and edgy. Maybe a little too cutesy, but here and there I will make some of you blush. I'm used to this now...I'm a total perv, but I look a bit like Mary Poppins. I can take advantage of this position by spreading my cute and sex positive message.

I am here to entertain and educate and spread good news about great monogamous sex, but I'm not here to make you horny. Hopefully you will take my ideas with you all day long though, and apply them to your life however they fit into it, and the result of this will be a lot of horny-ness sometime later that was generated by your own mind (many people have told me my blog has had this effect on them).

Some people want information about kinky topics but don't want flashing porn or sex toy ads on their screen...many mommies have thanked me for keeping my blog clean enough that they don't have to minimize the screen constantly.

(Maybe only a few times).

To contact me: You can email me at marie (dot) franklin (dot) blog (at) gmail (dot) com. Also I'm on twitter at MarieFranklin00 (that's zero zero).

Comments: If you leave a comment, I will see it. I always see them and appreciate them. I do not publish any of them. The reason for this is because my blog will not be a place to publicly debate any of the topics I write about. What I write is merely my opinion or my way of sharing information.

I'm always happy to hear your thoughts though! If you do send me a comment and if you want me to respond, send contact info with it. Also, soon I will be opening a message board where more free communication can happen. I will post the info about that soon.

So WELCOME...and I hope you enjoy reading here. I have been amazed at how much traffic I get since I started my little blog in May of 2013. I've been overwhelmed with positive feedback, too. Thanks everyone!

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